Neither Lost Nor Found
by fmd-jade
Summary: "May used to be different. She was warm. Fearless in a different way. Getting in trouble, pulling pranks. Thought rules were meant to be broken." A look at Melinda May and her relationship with Phil Coulson over time - from a different perspective.
1. Chapter 1

"_May used to be different. She was always quiet, she just… She was warm. Fearless in a different way. Getting in trouble, pulling pranks. Thought rules were meant to be broken."_

_Phil Coulson, episode 1x09_

.::.

„Do you know why you're here?"

To be honest, she had no idea.

Ever since she had graduated from S.H.I.E.L.D. Academy a few years ago, her career had been going steadily upwards. She had excelled at her classes, had even read all of the optional literature and had taken the additional courses her instructors had recommended to her. Sure, she was only a Level Two now, but she thought everything was going well.

So no. She didn't know why she had been pulled from her analysis of ultra low frequency radio transmissions intercepted at the Baltic Coast and called to the Deputy Director's office. She didn't know why she stood rigid in front of the Deputy Director who acted as if this very situation bored him to death while he regarded her with that one damn eye.

"No, sir." She stood straighter, hands behind her back.

"Did you know that your S.O. recommended you for a promotion?"

She had a hard time hiding her surprised smile. "No, sir."

Fury leaned back in his chair and held up a single sheet of paper as if trying to read it in better light. "He wrote that you showed 'great potential' and that you displayed 'qualities well beyond your level two status'." He let the paper slide back onto his desktop. "And that was even before you slept with him."

"I-" She didn't even know what to say to that.

Fury held up a hand. "Save it, Agent."

She bit down on her lip.

Once_. _

_Once_, damn it.

Fury leaned forward on his desk again. His arms were crossed over the surface as he regarded her with his one good eye. She thought she could taste blood by now. "So I glanced at your analysis from last month's situation in Peru. And… it was total crap."

Yep. That was definitely blood. Her eyes swept over his office. Everywhere, really, to avoid that piercing stare. It was made up of dark wood mostly. The view from his window wasn't half bad. With all the paperwork she had to do she had expected more shelves though. As it was there was only his desk with two chairs in front of it, a small filing cabinet to her right and a potted plant obviously fake behind him. She hadn't been asked to sit down so she stood stiffly in front of him.

"But…" Fury looked as if it pained him to say that. "The other stuff you did wasn't half bad. I'd even go so far as to say it was good."

Stuff? This was her _work_. Her blood, sweat and tears. She had spent countless hours wading through crap to- Wait.

Did he say _good_?

"So, Agent Hill. Have you heard of Agent May?"

"Agent _Melinda_ May?" Who hadn't heard of her? Even at Operations she was somewhat of a legend. Rumor had it she suffered two gunshot wounds and a broken arm during the Barcelona incident last year. And still she took care of the bomb _and_ the assailants single handedly.

"The one and only." Fury smirked and pressed a button on his intercom. "Send her in please."

Maria discreetly tried to turn around as the door behind her opened. But what she caught from the corner of her eye was definitely not what she had expected. She was small. If it wasn't for her stance and the black leather jacket complementing her outfit, on emight even describe her as delicate. Agent May shot her a quick look before coming to stand next to Maria facing Deputy Director Fury.

"You wanted to see me, sir?" Personally detached and right to the point.

Fury leaned back once more and crossed his arms in front of his chest with a self-satisfied smirk on his face. "Agent May, meet Agent Maria Hill. You'll be her Supervising Officer for the foreseeable future."

"What?"

"Sir?"

Both women exclaimed at once before shooting each other wary looks. Maria held her chin high, hoping to pass the older woman's sudden inspection. Fury's smile seemed to grow. May made a decisive step forward, her face growing hard.

"Sir. With all due respect but she is not a Specialist and I'm not a babysitter."

Fury shot Maria a quick look before facing May again. "No she is not. _Not yet_."

Maria tried to make herself as inconspicuous as possible when she heard May's subtle but sharp intake of breath.

"Sir, if you think I need a break because of what happened in Oslo-"

"If I was trying to go easy on you, I'm pretty sure you would have smashed my head in." Fury interrupted her. The way Agent May squared her shoulders indicated that he was not far off. "Agent Hill." Fury was facing her again, trying to look placating. "If you would excuse us for a minute. I think my secretary can point you in the right direction for a coffee."

Maria nodded without a word and tried to get another glimpse of Agent May as she left. But the other Agent just sent her a non-descript look.

::

The leather chair outside Fury's office was sticky and his secretary kept glancing at her whenever the voices inside were getting louder. Not that they were quiet to begin with. Maria had come back from drinking one of the worst coffees only to hear their raised voices inside. She couldn't make out any words, but by now it was mostly Fury doing the 'talking'.

Great. This was probably a once in a career opportunity. To be trained by Agent Melinda May. Not that she aspired to be a Specialist but her friends would never believe her if she told them. David certainly wouldn't. Only that there was nothing to tell. Because for all intents and purposes, Agent May had no interest in taking her under her wing. None what so ever if her very loud arguments from a few minutes ago were anything to go by.

She looked up as she heard steps coming her way, cushioned by the carpet. Agent Coulson. He was a Level Five if she wasn't mistaken and she had seen him in a few meetings and around the offices. He seemed to be nice enough. Smiled a lot.

He slowed down as he reached them. Mrs. Gray answered his smile with a little shake of her head just as the volume level inside Fury's office rose again. Coulson nodded understandlingly and let himself fall into a seat next to her.

He turned his head to look at her and offered his hand. "Phil Coulson." He smiled.

"Maria Hill." She said, shaking his hand. "I read your analysis of the stipulations and constraints of Project Freeway. It was very impressive."

"Thanks." His smile brightened for a second.

"The way you reinterpreted the matrix was revolutionary! I mean the handbook has always been so vague that I actually think the author didn't have a clue. But the trouble with the X302-"

"Wait." Coulson interrupted her with a frown. "You read the part about the X302 predicament?"

Maria nodded slowly, suddenly unsure if that was a good or a bad thing.

"Wow." Coulson looked forward again and smirked. "I don't think anyone has ever read any further than the abstract."

Oh.

_Great._

Maria opened her mouth only to close it again the next second. She didn't know what to say to that. She was saved from having to say anything as the volume in the adjoining office rose once more and Fury's voice carried well into the hallway.

Coulson gave her a look, again with his ever present smile. "I take it you met Agent May."

Maria had to refrain from snorting and rolling her. This was a higher ranking agent after all. And Agent May was a higher ranking agent. And if she had learned one thing at S.H.I.E.L.D. it was to keep your off-record thoughts to yourself.

"Yes, sir. Do you know her?" She asked, hoping to succesfully conceal her curiosity.

"I saved his life once."

Maria immediately jumped to her feet as Agent May suddenly made her presence known. She hadn't even heard the door opening. Coulson next to her took his time standing up, straightening his suit jacket.

"Agent May." He greeted with his ever present smile in place.

Maria couldn't be sure but she thought she saw a small smile flitting over May's face.

"Coulson." Her tone was definitely friendlier.

"How long has it been? Seven months?"

"Something like that." May agreed as she folded her hands behind her back.

"If I remember correctly, you owe me a drink."

Maria felt like watching a tennis match as her gaze flicked from one agent to the other.

"If anything, it's you who owes me a drink."

Coulson's smile widened in victory. "So you do remember. I wasn't so sure, considering all the pain medication flowing through your system at the time."

Agent May just rolled her eyes good-naturedly and changed the subject. "Don't tell me Fury ordered you here for this little project of his."

Coulson's smirk was answer enough. "How long until you're ready?"

May gave Maria a once-over that made her feel uncomfortable. "Four weeks."

"Ready for what?" Maria asked confusedly, looking from one agent to the other.

It was May who answered. "Our first mission."


	2. Chapter 2

Looking back at that first meeting with May and the first time she watched those two interact, she tries to remember. Should she have known then and there that they would end up here? She doesn't know. It had been such a long time ago. Though she does remember the weeks and months following that gathering outside Fury's office quite clearly. They had been hell.

::

"Ugh." Maria gritted her teeth as her back hit the mat. Again.

It had been a week and so far they had spent every day of it in the gym. They started with an hour of running each morning which strangely reminded her of her track-and-field days in high school. Afterwards they would spent three to four hours practicing hand-to-hand. Agent May switched so easily between techniques and styles that it left Maria dizzy and at an enormous disadvantage. Not that she'd had any chance to begin with. After a thirty minute break they would pour over tactical theory before Agent Coulson took over. He would go over old missions with her, detailing the mission's parameters, analysing the outside factors. She felt like she should know this already because surely they had covered this at the Academy. But when he asked her something and looked at her expectantly with a small smile on his face, her mind was blank. She was just so damn tired. And frustrated. And she began to hate his damn smiling face.

After that the next three hours of getting her ass handed to her by May almost felt like relief. Shooting range, stick fighting, sword fighting, climbing, swimming, hand-to-hand. It differed every day. At least that provided a small outlet for her frustrations. At eight o'clock sharp every day they were done and Maria was exhausted.

"Get up." May said.

For today she had chosen double Kali stick fighting and Maria hated it. Not only did her fingers hurt from where May tapped them with her rattan sticks regularly - "keep your sticks moving"- but she repeatedly incorporated other fighting styles and sent her flying to the mat.

Just once she would like to stay down here and let the time pass.

"Come on, get up."

"Why?" She asked irritatedly. "You'll drop me again in 30 seconds. I could just stay down here and safe us both the trouble." She felt like crying and only her father's mantra repeating in her head kept her from doing so. She was tired, she was hungry, her whole body ached and she had had enough.

She heard soft feet coming closer and an outstretched hand came into her line of sight.

"Get up." May said again. But this time her voice was gentler, more quiet.

Maria grabbed the offered hand and let herself be hauled up, desperately trying to blink away any moisture in her eyes.

"Now get your sticks and get ready." May said lightly. Maria's eyes flew to her rattan sticks where she had lost them moments earlier. She clenched her teeth.

"Do you want to quit?" May's voice held no anger, no accusation.

She wanted to say yes. She really did. Every aching muscle in her body begged her to. Only her stubbornness kept her from opening her mouth.

"Right now you see this as punishment." May said.

"No." Maria shook her head.

"Yes, you do. You feel frustrated and out of place. You don't know why you are here."

"Because no one tells me a damn thing." Maria burst out heatedly. "I was doing a damn fine job before and now I'm stuck here. And with all due respect, but you don't know a damn thing about me or how I feel."

If she had felt any less tired or upset or irritated she might have thought twice about confronting Agent Melinda May in such a way. As it was, she could only wonder later how the older agent had remained so calm and collected.

"Your name is Maria Agnes Hill. You're from Chicago. Your mother died in childbirth which your father never forgave you for. You joined the Army and went on to study International Relations. S.H.I.E.L.D. recruited you out of college."

"All that proves is that you read my file."

"You have an older brother you're not in contact with although you wished it was different. Even though you've been here for quite some time and had no problems getting around socially, you still think about a guy from college." May continued gently while Maria's gaze hardened. "His name is Jason. You prefer your coffee with milk and sugar but drink it black because you don't want to be seen as weak."

"Okay, please tell me that's _not_ in my file." Maria tried to joke.

May just went on, not paying her any attention. "I also know that your friends invited you out to drinks four times this week and you always passed. Why?"

Maria looked at her with what had be a dumbstruck look on her face. But May waited her out.

"Honestly?"

May nodded once, waiting patiently.

Maria took a deep breath. "Because all they want to talk about is what it's like being trained by you."

A small smile appeared on May's face and her voice grew gentler than Maria would have thought possible."So tell them. Complain to them. Get it all out. But you should stop seeing this as a punishment and think of it as an opportunity." Her gaze flickered over Maria's shoulder before settling on her again. "I'm not being hard on you because I enjoy it. But I'm not here to be your friend. I am responsible for you. And I have to make sure you have everything you need to make the right decisions out there and come back alive."

Maria wondered what _out there_ meant specifically while May bent down and collected Maria's abandoned Kali sticks. When the older agent spoke again, she was back to her detached self. "Clear up the mats. Go out with your friends tonight. We meet tomorrow at six."

Maria nodded stiffly and turned to watch after her as she crossed the emtpy gym hall. She was surprised to see Agent Coulson standing in the doorway, arms crossed unhurriedly and obviously waiting. She couldn't hear what they said as May reached him, but she saw him smiling down at her. Then he looked back at her and Maria returned his nodded greeting before she watched them leave and turned back to the mats.

Right. Clear up. That she could do.

.

::

.

"It's about damn time you came out with us again. I almost forgot what your ugly face looked like!"

Maria rolled her eyes at Jane good-naturedly and took another swig from her beer.

"And I'm so desperate to hear about your adventures with Agent Melinda May, but Marshall would kill us if he missed anything." Jane complained with a pout.

"Where is he anyway?" Maria wondered and let her gaze wander through the bar. It was the usual crowd of S.H.I.E.L.D. agents and various other government agencies' people. Nobody really liked to advertise their employer and that was fine with everyone.

"He and Don were signed up for an advanced training in strategic analysis and procedure of something or other. I didn't pay that much attention, you know how whiny he can get. Agent Coulson has them working pretty hard for it. Heard they even had to do homework."

Maria snorted. "Yeah, that sounds like Coulson."

"Wait, you know him?" Jane asked surprisedly.

She was saved from having to explain by two strong arms wrapping themselves around her from behind and a scratchy three-day beard grating against her right cheek. "Maria, you light of my life. Where the hell have you been?"

"Oh leave her alone, Marshall." Jane told him good-naturedly, while Maria fought the impulse to dislocate his shoulder. Maybe the last week of training hadn't been for nothing after all.

Marshall and two other agents, Don and Michael, rounded the table and Maria and Jane scooted over to make some space for them in the booth. They had already brought their own beers from the bar. Maria leaned back as she listened to her friends and their complaints. It had only been a week and she already felt so far away from all this. A week ago their problems had been her own problems, but now she felt different. Almost separated from this life that used to be her own.

"I swear that guy Coulson is going on my last nerve." Marshall sighed after he sat down next to Maria. "Nothing I do is good enough for him. He is such a stickler for details. And oh my God, does he need a detailed plan for everything? Remember what old Wickham used to say in the Academy? To always leave room for lateral thinking. But I bet Coulson even needs a plan to make his own bed."

"Agent Erikson?" A voice sounded from behind them.

Marshall shot out of his seat while everyone else watched with baited breaths. "Agent Coulson, sir."

"I just wanted to tell you that you did a good job today." Coulson said as he came to stand next to their table.

Marshall sputtered and nodded and Maria had to nudge his thigh to get him to say something in response. "Thank you, sir."

He held his breath while Coulson nodded at everyone else. Maria couldn't be sure but she thought his eyes stayed with her a moment longer. Then he left and Marshall dropped back into his seat while everyone else started to laugh.

"Holy-" Marshall took a swig of his beer. "What's his deal? I'm pretty sure he hates my guts."

"Maybe he's trying to smother you with kindness." Jane joked and clinked her bottle against his.

Maria just tried to hold back a grin as she tried to follow Agent Coulson with her eyes without attracting any attention. He made a bee-line for the bar where a small group of suits opened up a spot for him. Maria could see him sidling up to Agent May before the gap in people closed again and the two were out of sight. So they had that drink after all.

"I think that's just rude." Don exclaimed with a frown. "This is supposed to be a work-free zone where we can say whatever we want. Our superiors shouldn't be able to just walk up to us in our free time. I mean he left us in peace the whole week."

"He's been here before?" Maria asked innocuously.

"Yes. Every evening we've been here this week, he's been here too. Usually with that Asian woman."

Don leaned over to table conspiratorially. "Think that's his girlfriend?"

"Nah." Michael said. "I heard he is seeing one of the professors at Sci-Tec Academy."

Marshall shook his. "Yeah, but look at her. I mean she is hot."

"Yes, but he's Coulson. I mean the guy collects Captain America cards for fun. He's a real nerd. And she is so _obviously_ out of his league. A guy like him would never have a chance with her." Michael chipped in.

"They just know each other distantly from a few ops." Maria said without thinking.

"How do _you_ know?" Marshall asked while Jane sent her a look. One intended to remind Maria that sometimes it took less than that to hook up.

"Actually... that's Agent Melinda May." Maria said off-handedly, a small smile playing on her lips. She wasn't so far detached from her friends that she couldn't have a little fun with them.

As her friends showered her with questions about _Agent Melinda May_ as if her whole name ought to be written in capital letters, Maria couldn't help but risk another glance at her new S.O.. She watched from the corner of her eye as May leaned up to Coulson, saying something directly into his ear that made him laugh. And she wondered just what might be going on there.

* * *

What is it with us writers that we're so thirsty for reviews, in need of approval?! Maybe because when writing, we pour a little of ourselves into our words. And thus show the world a part of our heart, hoping we are liked.


	3. Chapter 3

"Well done." May complimented her after her fifth throw in a row.

That was her standard. Five clean and accurate executions in a row. Otherwise she had to start over. The first week had been hell. The second had been… less hell. And now, well into her fourth week of training with Agent Melinda May she actually felt like she was getting better. And May seemed to think so too if her small smiles were anything to go by.

"Now clean up the mats and the rifles and we're done for today."

Maria risked a glance at the clock. A whole hour early. Even if she cleaned and disassembled the rifles they had used for shooting practice earlier – May insisted that she do it herself instead of letting the armoury personnel handle it – there would still be time until she had to meet with Coulson.

"Don't get used to it, I have a meeting to attend to." May said with a knowing smile before gathering her towel and water bottle and leaving her alone in the empty gym.

A meeting so close to the end of her training just had to be about their first mission together. Not that May would tell her. Or maybe she would if Maria ever dared to ask. Maria just bent down to pull up the first mat when she heard the door open behind her.

"What? Am I late?"

"Marshall? What the hell are you doing here?" She let go of the mat again.

"I got off early and thought I could stop by. Maybe watch how you get your butt kicked." He strolled further into the gym and tried to pat her ass as he passed her. Maria quickly grabbed his wrist before he could make contact, side-stepped him and pulled his wrist up behind his back forcing him to his knees. It hadn't even taken her 3 seconds.

"Don't ever do that. You're just making an ass out of yourself."

Marshall craned his neck to look at her. "That was totally hot." Maria rolled her eyes. "Can you do that again?"

She let go of his wrist and let him get to his feet. "I need to put the mats away. But you could try helping me instead of being such an obnoxious douche bag."

"Come on." He groaned. "I know May is in a meeting right now. Coulson too. So you have the time to show me some of your new moves. Maybe you could teach me something so I can finally beat Don in hand-to-hand."

Maria had to smile. She did have time. And by now she could easily take Marshall. Plus getting his ego trimmed would definitely do him some good. Him and everyone else around him.

"Okay." She agreed before suddenly grabbing and twisting his right wrist down, bending down and kicking his feet out from beneath him. He hit the mat hard and by the sound of his breath, he had the wind knocked out of him.

"Holy-" He had to cough while fighting for air. Maria nudged his ribs with her toes so he would at least roll around onto his back. "That was hot, too." He said breathlessly. "But what about some warning, Hill?"

No matter how many times Maria brought him to his knees or dropped him onto his back, Marshall asked for more. By now even their friend Jane had joined them and Maria gladly showed her a few tricks. Much to Marshall's dismay. His and his back's.

When he refused to get up claiming that Jane had broken his spine, Maria and Jane joined him on the mat. It was fun. And a small reminder of how things used to be. Rationally she knew that they couldn't stay together forever. That it had been only a matter of time before one of them would have been transferred somewhere else. But it saddened her none the less that she was the one to leave first and break up their close-knit group.

That is until her eyes met the clock and she realised she was supposed to meet Coulson in fifteen minutes. Time really did fly when you were having a good time. Marshall and Jane promised to clean up the mats and convinced her to clean the rifles after her session with Coulson. Looking at the clock again she had no choice but to agree. It's not as if May would ever find out.

::

"What do you think?" Coulson looked at her expectantly over the table.

She had no idea. Not even an inkling. They were talking about a mission she was supposed to know because Coulson had given her the very extensive file on it days ago to prepare. But all she could think about right now was May and her meeting and what kind of mission they were supposed to go on.

"Were you at the meeting with Agent May earlier?" She asked instead.

Coulson raised his eyebrows, his expression clear. "If Agent May attended a meeting you were not invited to-"

"It's classified, I know." Maria sighed. "But-"

He just shook his head wordlessly and tapped down on the file in front of her. Right. Back to that mission. That old and theoretical and past mission.

"Who came up with the codename 'Ajax'? It sounds ridiculous." Maria grumbled.

"I did." Coulson said without any infliction.

Oh.

"What do you think about the op?" He clarified, his ever present patience clearly running thin tonight.

"Well, it looks good."

"It looks perfect even." Coming from anyone else, Maria would have thought him to be arrogant. But she had to agree with him. The plan was flawless.

She took another look at the papers strewn out in front of her. She might have gotten better at a few of these things over the last weeks, but she still felt like she was lacking something. "The two men team was the perfect choice. According to their records, they had all the experience and in-depth knowledge needed to succeed. The pre-mission work surpasses every requirement. I mean there are not three but five exit strategies."

Coulson nodded and then handed her a paper. "Here's the post-mission report."

He gave her a few minutes to read over the single sheet of paper. And when she was done, she read it again. And again.

"Sir, this can't be true." Maria finally said, looking up at him.

"It is." Coulson said with a weary voice.

"But it says here that the target was lost upon arrival and one of the agents died. The other one barely made it out alive."

"Yes."

"But why?" She asked disbelievingly. "Everything looked perfect."

"That's what I want to know from you. Why did it fail?" Coulson asked.

Maria had no idea. And she didn't feel like thinking about it either.

"Think about it. We'll talk about it later."

"Sir?" Maria asked questioningly. Their session usually went on for another hour.

Coulson smirked and inclined his head towards the doorway, where May was waiting in her workout gear. "Agent May thinks I need a refresher in my hand-to-hand skills."

Maria had to smile at his obvious reluctance. He knew what he was in for, he had watched the two of them often enough the last weeks. Hell, her own shoulder still ached from a very memorable flight to the floor two days ago.

"Good luck, sir." Maria said with an encouraging smile.

Coulson just sighed and headed after May. Maria waited fifteen minutes and followed them. This was too good of an opportunity to miss. And apparently she wasn't the only one who thought so.

When she reached the gym, her two instructors had already gathered a small crowd of spectators. She joined the howling and cheering agents at the sidelines.

May and Coulson were circling each other carefully, each waiting for the other to make the first move. May was smiling coyly while Coulson already gritted his teeth. It was obvious Coulson was not going to make the first move. When May finally struck, Maria could see that she was taking it easy on Coulson. Not for long though, as Coulson turned out to be a better opponent than most had expected. He got more blows in than Maria'd ever had the chance to before he too went down.

He beamed up at May as he took her offered hand and let her help him up. Both of them shifted their stance to absorb the others blow and a small smile widened on May's face. Coulson smirked.

And then the fight really started. There was no awkwardness, no more feeling each other out. It was as if they had never done anything else in life and Maria would even go so far as to say it looked beautiful. Like a dance. They both anticipated the other's move perfectly, blocking, turning and dropping into a grouch at just the right moment to avoid each other's fists or feet. To no one's surprise Coulson spent the most time on the ground, but he managed to pin May down a few times as well.

The last time she took him down, he landed hard on his knee. He flopped onto his back and tried to catch his breath. "Ouch."

May squatted down next to him and leaned over his knee, trying to assess if any real damage had been done. Coulson used that moment to make his move. He rolled over, grabbed her ankles and incapacitated her nearest hand by grabbing her wrist as he pinned her under him. His hands held on to her wrists as his shins pressed into her thighs. He smiled down at her in triumph as their gazes held for a few moments, silent except for their heavy breathing.

"Get a room!" Someone laughingly called somewhere to Maria's left.

Maria could see May's body go tense as she used that moment of distraction to her advantage. She elbowed Coulson in the side of his throat and used his flagging grip to free her hands. Maria's eyes could barely follow her movements as she turned her body to get one of her shoulders out from underneath Coulson. She used moves she definitely had to teach her because after what felt like a second, May had him pinned face-down, painfully pulling his arm behind his back while she sat on his back. She moved off him after a few moments and Coulson turned onto his back, rubbing his shoulder.

The fight was clearly over and the crowd around her dissipated. Maria glanced at the clock and with a last look at the pair sitting on the mats and talking silently, she made her way one floor up towards the armoury.

::

Only that the rifles they had used earlier today were not were they were supposed to be. Namely lying on the far table to the right where May and herself had left them only a few hours ago.

"Lookin' for something?"

Maria turned to see the armoury officer looking at her skeptically from behind his book.

"Actually yes. Agent May and I left some rifles here this afternoon."

He grunted an affirmative response and went back to his novel.

Maria walked over to him and tipped his book with a finger to the spine. "Do you know what happened to them?" She asked with a sweet and utterly fake smile.

His gaze as well as his mood darkened. "Agent May cleaned them and put them away."

Maria just huffed and left without a goodbye.

Fuck.

::

She found May coming out of the changing room by the gym. Her dark hair was still wet from her shower, her duffel was thrown over her shoulder.

"Agent May."

"Hill." Her voice was impassive as always.

"I saw that you cleaned the rifles before I had the chance to."

"Yes."

Maria straightened her spine. May was not going to make this easy for her, not that that came as a surprise. "I didn't forget them and I _would_ have cleaned them."

May cocks her head. "I asked you to do so five hours ago."

"I know but-"

May interrupted her. "It's done."

Maria swallowed and tried to blink away the burning at the back of her eyes. She tried to tell herself that it was just some rifles and they were hardly reason enough for her to feel like she had failed. It didn't help. And it didn't help that May seemed to be so blasé about it. Maria half wished she would yell at her instead of this disappointed treatment.

"I'm sorry."

The older woman nodded. "You should go and pack your bag. Get some sleep. We will leave tomorrow at 0700 hours."

"Leave?"

"We're going on our first mission."

* * *

**Sorry for the wait and this disjointed chapter. But now that we have it out of the way, the real action can start.**


	4. Chapter 4

They're good at silence. She's only known Agent Melinda May for four weeks, definitely not long enough to lose the urge to call her Agent Melinda May every time in her head, but long enough to know that silence was kind of her thing. It wasn't uncomfortable, she didn't feel like she was supposed to say anything.

And she could definitely work with that. Especially right now, when their flight had been pushed from 0700 to 0500 and she had spent most of the night packing. And emptying her bag and packing again. And doing it for a third time because she was unsure if her thermal underwear should be more easily accessible than her night vision goggles or not. In the end she wrapped the goggles into the thermal shirt and left it on top.

The gentle sound of the car's engine only adds to her urge to close her eyes and sleep. Instead she watched the city outside pass, intrigued by the people, the architecture and the feel of it.

"You ever been to Paris?"

Silence was definitely not Coulson's thing though. At all. He had been talking since their transport picked them up, continued to do so on the way to the airstrip and had tried to make a few bad jokes about flying during the plane's departure. May had just rolled her eyes, taken her bag and holed herself up in the seat furthest away from them while Coulson had dropped down across the aisle from herself. And he had talked. And talked. Until Maria had picked up a random mission file and pretended to read that.

She shook her head no. Sadly, she hadn't been and she didn't suppose there was enough time to visit the Louvre. She had always wanted to go.

"It's very romantic." Coulson added with a dreamy look.

In the rearview mirror Maria could see May rolling her eyes in the front seat. She turned around and lowered her sunglasses. "It's just a city. Too much traffic, too polluted, too many tourists running around and residents thinking they're above the rest of their corner of the world."

Coulson just smiled undeterred. "Yes. It's beautiful."

Maria smirked and kept looking out the window instead. They drove for another hour, weaving in and out of traffic until they turned into an underground garage and from there made their way to the briefing.

The mission was clear-cut. May would infiltrate the _Orlov Institut de Science et Technologie_ and retrieve a "package" from an Agent Baillet working inside. Meanwhile Coulson and herself would make a tour of the facilities as part of a delegation from the United States and would be able to help from the inside if necessary.

Now there was just the matter of Agent May actually getting into the heavily guarded building. Two agents who had introduced themselves as Hale and Coates were pondering over the building's blueprints with them.

"What about the roof?" May suggested.

"Absolutely not." Coulson argued from across the table. He had lost his jacket an hour earlier and had rolled up his sleeves.

"Why not?" May asked sharply. Maria reminded herself that she had to be as tired as the rest of them.

"Because of the four guards patrolling up there."

May 's defensive eyes met Coulson's. "It worked well in Pretoria."

"You got shot in Pretoria!" Coulson threw at her, daring her to argue that point.

"So?" May shrugged.

Maria's eyes widened. Seriously?

"That's not how I plan my missions." Coulson said with finality.

"It's not your mission, it's mine." May said calmly.

Coulson just shook his head. "The roof is not an option."

Agent Coates nervously cleared his throat. "Maybe we should call it a day and leave the rest for tomorrow. The mission isn't for another day." Maria thought he was either stupid or very brave but it seemed to work. Coulson and May both nodded and Coulson threw a smile at them before he stepped away from the table.

"Maria." May called her over.

Her eyes flicked to May's. "Yes?"

"I want you to find the Agent in Charge of Requisitions and fill out form 2.21b for us." May said evenly as she slipped into her leather jacket. "Come find me when you're done."

Maria nodded. She had no idea what form 2.21b was but she would not disappoint Agent May again. Once had been enough. And it was an easy enough request, she was sure she could handle it.

She watched after May as she walked out through the glass doors and witnessed her being hugged by an older agent in the hallway just outside. Another specialist by the looks of him. Maria estimated he had to be over 6 feet tall as he towered over May like a giant. Maria had always wondered if all the glass walls in S.H.I.E.L.D. facilities was supposed to give you the illusion of transparency while in reality everything was shrouded in secrets. They weren't even allowed to know what kind of "package" they were picking up in 48 hours.

Form 2.21b.

Right.

::

Definitely not right.

She had been looking for an hour now and she was starting to think she was one big fool. Either that or she should seriously consider quitting S.H.I.E.L.D. and becoming an accountant instead. Or a librarian.

There was no Agent in Charge of Requisitions. Or if there was, no one knew. She had asked almost everyone she had met and they had all met her with blank stares. Blank stares which had turned doubtful of her sanity when she had asked about form 2.21b.

By now she wandered the hallways, unsure of what to do.

"Agent Hill?"

She turned around to see Agent Coulson coming her way.

"What are you still doing here?"

She glanced at her watch. 22:43. Yes. She had spent more than an hour chasing through the field office. Well, she might as well admit her defeat now, perhaps it would prepare her for the disappointment she would surely see in May's eyes.

"Agent May asked me to track down the Agent in Charge of Requisitions and fill out form 2.21b for us."

And then it dawned on her. She didn't know if it was saying these exact words for maybe the hundredth time tonight or the widening smirk on Coulson's face that clued her in.

"Damn it." She closed her eyes and muttered. "There is no Agent of Charge and no form 2.21b."

Coulson just laughed and shook his head. "No."

Ah fuck.

"How long have you been looking for?" Coulson asked.

Maria looked at him suspiciously but could not detect any malice in his face. "Long enough to know I'm not cut out for this."

"That's not true."He said gently.

"Sir, Agent May probably thinks I'm an idiot. Hell, she didn't even want to be my S.O. in the first place." And she almost certainly shouldn't mention this to him but she couldn't help it. The last four weeks of playing specialist had been nice but the meeting today and the mention of guards and weapons and bullet wounds had definitely shown her that this was no game. And she felt in no way prepared for this.

"Do you know why you're here?" Coulson asked and elaborated when he saw her confused gaze. "Do you know why Fury chose this for you?"

Maria reached deep inside herself and tried to see past all her self doubt and insecurities. She was a trained analyst. She was good at was she was doing. But no, she didn't know.

Coulson shuffled a little closer, his voice an encouraging hum. "Fury saw something in you. He believes in you. You are here to learn what it's like working on missions. Being sent into a situation you may not have all the information about. Because one day soon it will be you sending agents into this. Good agents and good people. You will hold the reigns and it will be your decisions that control their lives. And you should always remember what that feels like."

She forced herself to hold his gaze as he nodded with finality and took a step back.

"Now where's May?" He changed the subject.

Maria just shrugged and tried to get rid of the tightness in her chest in the same process. "She just told me to come find her."

Coulson nodded in understanding and grabbed pen and paper out of his pocket. He scribbled down an address and handed it to her.

"What is it?"

Coulson just smirked in response. "You'll see."

::

_You'll see_ turned out to be S.H.I.E.L.D.'s favourite hang out from what Maria could tell. A bar just like the one her and her friends frequented at the Hub. Actually it was creepy just how alike the two places were. This one was packed with guys in suits and even sturdier guys in cargo pants and black t-shirts. She saw May sitting at the bar with a few of the second kind and as she made her way through the crowd she caught snippets in French, English, German and what she supposed was even Mandarin.

Maria felt uneasy walking up to her. May had obviously met her friends, the guy who had hugged her earlier was basically drooling over her. She wondered if she shouldn't just turn around and leave, allow them to have their time together. But May looked up at her at that moment and smiled.

"Took you long enough."

Maria returned her smile and rolled her eyes. And as she came nearer and joined their little group Maria saw the empty seat next to May and the beer sitting on the bar. May batted an Asian looking guy's hand away when he jokingly reached for it and the guys moved out of the way so she could sit down.

After May had introduced her to everyone Maria took a swig of the beer and enjoyed the cool liquid running down her throat.

"That's the second one sitting here waiting for you. The first one went stale. I was afraid I had to order a third." May nudged her side.

Maria just smirked in return. "Was that my punishment for the rifles?"

May's eyes twinkled mischievously. "No. That will be getting up tomorrow at five for our training."

:::

She was nervous. She was nervous and she knew it had to be showing because Coulson kept sending her a look supposed to tell her to keep it together. They were trailing behind a group of maybe twenty people, listening to a presentation in a horrible French accent about gene sequencing and mass spectrometer something. She didn't get a word of it but the French guy sold it like he was looking to sell vegetables at a bazaar. They weren't looking to buy the place for God's sake. Or maybe the others were, she wasn't really sure. So while they made their way trough the building, oohing and ahaing at the right moments, May worked her way past the security to meet with Agent Baillet.

Coulson caught her attention as his eyes flicked over to their tour guide. His hand, his _manicured_ _hand_ Maria hadn't failed to notice, had shot to his ear before suddenly dropping down. He looked around, hoping no one had noticed.

"Something's going on." Coulson murmured. His words were amplified by her own ear piece.

"Ladies and Gentlemen." Their guide addressed the group. "If you would excuse me for just one moment please. Feel free to look around." He gestured towards the lab they were currently standing in. Most of the group followed his invitation as if they had been waiting for an opportunity like that. Coulson discreetly took Maria's arm and steered her into a quiet corner where they could observe the scene.

A security guard came down from the railing above, a machine gun slung across his shoulder. He quickly talked to their guide, gesturing to his ear piece frequently.

"May, we have a problem." Coulson whispered as he drew Maria further away from any unwanted attention.

"_I'm busy_." May snapped in response. Her voice sounded strained and out of breath.

Coulson caught her gaze and she could see the tension building inside him. "What's going on?"

Maria winced as she just heard a grunt in response and what sounded suspiciously like gun fire.

"May!"

They got no answer.

Maria looked over towards the guard and their tour guide and noticed a few more guards taking up posts on the railing above. She grabbed Coulson's jacket to get his attention. "We should leave." She whispered.

"Mesdames et Messieurs." Their guide opened his palms in a peaceful gesture. Maria could see the sweat on his forehead. "We have… how would you say? Uh, a little bit of a situation."

Maria snorted. A _leetle beet_ might be an understatement if she thought about the machine guns currently aimed at them.

"These guards are here for your protection, until we know what is happening. This is just uh… a precaution."

"_The facility just went into lockdown_." They heard Agent Hale over the comms. "_What the hell is going on in there_?"

Her and Coulson shared a quick look. They had to get out of here.

Her eyes darted over to the way they came. The blast doors were still open but heavily guarded. Coulson heaved a deep breath and looked around as well. He seemed to have an idea because he gestured her closer with a determined look on his face. She had no idea what his plan was, but she just had to trust him.

"You got your back up?" He checked.

She barely had time to nod before he suddenly hit a big red button on the wall over her shoulder. The biohazard alarm. A siren started wailing and the sprinkler system started drenching them all in water and what smelled like disinfectant. The whole room erupted into chaos as visitors as well as guards started screaming, trying to make sense of the situation. Coulson grabbed her by her wrist and pulled her with him towards the closing blast doors. The guards had raised their guns and tried to communicate over the deafening sounds of the alarm.

Coulson just walked up to them, his hands raised, pretending to be oblivious about the whole situation as they shouted in French at them to stay back. When he was within reach Coulson made a grab for the barrel of the nearest guard's MP-16 and butting him in the face with it before he had the chance to flick off the safety. Maria took care of the second guard by slamming him into the wall and elbowing him in the face in the process.

"Hill!" Coulson called and she had to hurry to make it out before the blast doors fully closed.

They stood in the hallway, both of them almost completely drenched. Coulson gave her a once over and as the blast door sealed the sirens from inside the lab were almost muted.

"May, what's your status?" He asked frantically.

Maria turned around as she heard heavy footsteps down the hall.

"_Agent Baillet is dead_." May whispered into their ears.

Coulson grabbed her arm once more as the sound of gunfire erupted around them. Maria didn't know if it came over the ear piece or if it was actually behind them, but she followed Coulson around the corner and down the hall.

"Where are you?" Coulson asked at the same time that Agent Hale demanded to know if May had retrieved the package.

"_Negative_."

Maria opened the door to a dimly lit stairwell and they both entered. Maria immediately checked up and down the stairs but she couldn't hear anything except for her heavy breathing.

"_Abort mission. I repeat, abort." _Agent Haleinstructed.

"_Negative_." Agent May's voice was clear over the comms but Maria thought she must have misheard her. "_I can still get to the package_."

"_May! The cavalry is 40 minutes out! I order you_-"

"_I only need 25 minutes." _May interrupted him calmly.

She squinted her eyes at Coulson. She couldn't be serious. Coulson just shrugged.

"May, where are you?"

"_Third Level, southwest corner. By the offices."_

Maria heaved a sigh. Southwest corner. Their exit strategy was in the opposite direction. Coulson suddenly cocked his head and held a finger in front of his lips. She heard them too. People in the stairwell coming from below. Most likely guards by the way they were stamping. She nodded and ascended the stairs as silently as possible, Coulson on her heels.

When she reached the next floor her eyes flew to the stairwell door. Level six. They were too high. Coulson just shrugged, they didn't have much of a choice. She tried the door handle only to find it locked. She had to roll her eyes as Coulson tried it too. He just shrugged apologetically.

"Seems like we're going over the roof after all."

"Can't we just shoot the lock?" She whispered frantically.

"We could but this is a steel door and I'm not James Bond." He quipped and took the final staircase to the roof.

Coulson waited for her in front of the escape door towards the roof, his head ducked away from the little window.

"Four guards." He said calmly.

Maria nodded. "What's the plan?"

"Don't get shot." They heard gunfire over the comms once again and Maria wondered how the hell he could stay this composed.

"May, what's your status?" Or maybe he wasn't as cool he wanted to appear.

They heard a few grunts and another single gun shot. "_Everything's under control. Now stop being such a mother hen_."

Coulson smiled before checking the clip in his gun. They shared a quick, adrenaline-filled glance before he threw open the door and they charged outside, hoping to have the element of surprise on their side.

Two guards were on the immediate right, another two further down to the left. Coulson fired on the ones to the right while Maria hurried forward to seek cover behind a ventilation pit. Once she had reached it she covered Coulson. She only had one guard left to take out and she hit her mark perfectly. Coulson joined her behind the ventilation pit and changed the clip in his gun. They ducked as bullets went flying over their head.

"I go left, you go right?" He asked.

Maria nodded. Her hands were shaking.

"Agent Hill." Coulson looked at her intently, a slight alarm in his voice. "Maria."

"_Coulson?_" That was May.

Fuck. He went left, she went right. She knew the drill. Why the hell wouldn't her hands stop shaking?

"Everything's fine." Coulson said in a calming voice. She didn't know if he was talking to her or to May. "That's just the adrenaline."

She closed her eyes for a second and took a deep breath. Coulson held her gaze silently. She blinked and nodded. May was waiting for them.

"We're on our way." She said with conviction before giving Coulson the signal.

He went left and she went right. And somehow they made it across the roof without a scratch. She crashed through the door first and Coulson was right behind her. They were almost at May's position.

They quietly descended the stairs, trying to avoid making any noise. Either May was waiting somewhere down there , or-

"_I hope that's you stomping down the stairwell_." May's voice suddenly sounded in their ears.

Coulson sighed. "Yes. Fourth Level. Do you have the package?"

Her head suddenly appeared around the corner one flight down. "Yes. Hurry up."

::

May led them through a maze of corridors and Maria had long lost any orientation. She just followed blindly as Coulson brought up the rear.

As they rounded another corner gunfire suddenly met them and May dropped down to her hunches, pulling Maria down with her.

Coulson swore under his breath. "That would have been too easy."

May returned the fire from the relative safety of their cover until she ran out of bullets. When she crouched down again Coulson wordlessly came up next to her to take over firing at their opponents. Maria could only watch as May's hand glided down his calf and reached under the hem of his trousers to retrieve his spare weapon. Coulson hadn't even blinked.

"We need a new plan." Coulson said as he leant back behind the wall. "There are too many guards this way. We'll run out of ammo before we get them all."

"I have an idea." May said and soundlessly got up from where she had leaned against the wall. She went in the direction they had come from only minutes earlier and picked up speed once they reached the stairwell. When they had reached the basement Coulson frowned.

"May, there's no way out from the basement."

May just shot him an irritated look. "Trust me." She said tersely.

Coulson looked at Maria as if asking her to join his side but she just lifted her shoulders in a casual shrug. It's not as if they had a lot of choices. Hurried footsteps and voices coming from behind them made the decision for them.

They followed May through dimly lit service tunnels until they reached what she was apparently looking for.

"You can't be serious." Coulson sighed as he helped May stem the door open. The voices down the corridor grew louder.

May just shot him a quick smirk. Then she slipped through the opening in the doorway. Maria shot Coulson a questioning glance but followed May none the less.

Maria's eyes widened at what she saw and the implications of it.

Maybe they should have looked for another way out.

Sewers.

Heavy industry sized sewers, probably five feet in diameter.

Coulson hurried over to May to help her with a hatch. "Let's just hope they carry water." He grumbled.

May looked at Maria expectantly. "How long can you hold your breath under water?"

"Uh." She had no idea. And she really didn't feel like finding out today.

Coulson grunted with effort as he had finally released the hatch. The water inside the sewer roared like a wild river. May pulled her over and shoved her onto the tube so she could jump into the water like kids did onto a water slide at an amusement park.

"Keep your chin pressed to your chest and make yourself as small as possible. Breath out slowly." She instructed her confidently.

Maria nodded once and Coulson shoved her into the water just as the guards opened the door to the sewage disposal facility.

It was a cold and dark and bumpy ride. She tried to keep her chin down and sling her arms around her knees but the stream made it impossible for her float in any kind. She turned around herself and bumped her head and her shoulders into something painful. Just as her lungs were screaming at her to take a breath, the flow slowed down and she opened her eyes to daylight surrounding her.

She was in a river.

The drift carried her a little further and as soon as she had control over her breathing back she heard a loud splash behind her. May. Coulson a few feet behind. She waved at them and they wordlessly made their way to the riverbank.

Maria sank down onto her knees as soon as she had solid ground under her and took a deep breath, coughing up some residual water.

May staggered out of the water just behind her and Coulson was the last to reach dry land. They all looked at each other, not saying a word. Their clothes clung to their bodies and Maria started shivering.

"That was fun." May said as she tried to wring out her hair. "Let's never do that again."

Coulson started laughing and although Maria couldn't find anything funny about their situation, she couldn't help but join in. "Yeah. Let's not."

:::

Maria didn't know what she had expected after a mission like this, but this certainly wasn't it. In all the admittedly short years she had worked for S.H.I.E.L.D. now, she didn't think she ever experienced someone being reprimanded for doing a good job. Yes, Agent Baillet had died. But according to May he had been dead hours before they were even in the building.

There was nothing they could have done.

Or so Coulson had tried to tell her before he had positioned himself a few feet apart from her and May and just endured Agent Carson's lecture.

"Your orders were to abort the mission, Agent May! With your reckless behavior you not only endangered yourself and your team but the integrity of this agency!" Carson took a step forward and leaned dangerously into her space. "And I don't know what Fury is doing, handing out rookies like girl scout cookies, but Hill is your responsibility. It's your job-"

"Agent Hill was doing just fine." It was the first time during the ten minute rant that May interrupted Carson. "She handled it."

Carson heaved a deep breath and Maria thought she could see the veins in his neck become more prominent. "See to it that she does." He hissed before he abruptly turned and sat down at his desk. Apparently they were dismissed.

Maria did a double take. That was it?

She looked surprisedly at May but the older agent just pulled on her sleeve and made Maria follow her out of the room. Coulson was right behind her. When they were well out of sight and earshot Maria could not restrain herself.

"What just happened?"

May and Coulson just shared a look and a quick smile. "The usual." Coulson supplied.

"So you mean it's normal to almost die in on a mission but get the job done none the less and in return get yelled at for it?"

"Yes." May just smirked before smiling at Coulson again. "Did you hear, we endangered the integrity of the agency."

Coulson snorted and rolled his eyes. "Yes. I think that was a new one."

"So what now?" Maria asked. They had showered, they had been debriefed, they had been debriefed by SAC Carson and now she was just hungry and tired. Not necessarily in that order.

May just arched an eyebrow. "Now comes the fun part."

::

Mission reports were not fun.

Coulson had insisted that she had to write down every detail. That was before he had excused himself to take a phone call. When he had come back, his mood had seemed sullen and Maria would even go so far as to say his eyes looked sad. She tried to steal a glance of him every so often, but May, sitting across from her, kicked her under the table every time, pointing at her unfinished report.

Right. The report.

She had no idea how many bullets she had fired at which point during their mission. But she knew that thanks to May's training they hadn't missed their target. Which made her shiver all over again, despite the hot shower she had had upon arriving here.

She looked up as a heavy footfall strode up to their desk, stopping right next to May. Tall guy, blonde but tanned, black shirt, cargo pants, military boots. May ignored him but Maria could see her giving him a once-over out of the corner of her eye.

"You cheated me out of my mission today." Tall, dark and handsome said with only the slightest hint of an accent. German? Scandinavian?

"Excuse me?" May did look up now, her voice firm.

"Tactical response team." He said instead of an introduction, a small smile playing around his lips. Maria could see Coulson shift in his seat. "We were your back up. Got all geared up just for you to make it out of there yourself."

May had a proud glint in her eyes.

"I figured the least you can do is come have a drink with me."

Maria had to suppress an eye roll. Over May's shoulder she could see Coulson sit up straighter, a grim look on his face.

"That the best you can come up with?" May challenged him.

Coulson averted his gaze back to his computer screen and his fingers hit the keyboard with renewed force.

"Let's go get that drink. I'm sure I'll figure something else out."

Now even May had to roll her eyes. "I'm sorry, but I already have plans with Agent Coulson."

Coulson's head shot up, clearly surprised.

Mr. Tactical Response Team shot Coulson a cursory glance, obviously not thinking much of him. "You sure?"

"Yes." May smiled dangerously. "I'm sure."

He just huffed, glanced at Maria and left without another word.

"We have plans?" It was the first time Coulson had said anything since coming back from his phone call.

"Yes." May said with finality before hitting a few keys and turning her computer off.

"I'm not really in the mood." Coulson said cautiously.

May wordlessly went over to the other side of the room and opened one of the cargo boxes. She didn't have to search long as she pulled out two climbing belts, walked over to Coulson and deposited them on the desk in front of him.

"Didn't you hear? The view from the Eiffel Tower is supposed to be wonderful at night."

Maria watched mesmerized as their eyes met in a silent battle. May wouldn't tell him anything else and Coulson wanted her to drop it.

"I don't want to talk about it." He finally told her.

"Good." May responded with only the hint of a smirk on her face. "Maybe you'll keep quiet for once."

Her attempt to rouse him apparently worked as Coulson shut off his computer and wordlessly got up. May grabbed the belts, the triumph clear on her face and led the way.

Maria followed them with her eyes and May shot her a conciliatory smile as they passed her.

"Next time." She murmured in passing, her hand grazing Maria's shoulder.

:::

The inside of her eyelids felt like sandpaper as she blinked and watched the early morning sun through the plane's window. If she was this tired, she could hardly imagine what Coulson and May had to feel like. Not that they looked anything but alert. Well, Coulson did. May hid her eyes behind her sunglasses and Maria suspected that she was asleep. She still couldn't believe they had climbed the Eiffel Tower last night. Without her.

But it seemed to have done the trick. Coulson was almost back to his chipper and talkative self that she had gotten to know in the last few weeks.

"Maria?"

Her eyes snapped open to meet his gaze. "Hm?"

"Do you remember the last mission we talked about back at the Hub? Operation Ajax?"

Maria shifted in her seat as she racked her brain. "Yes. The operation failed and one of the agents died." She also remembered that it had all looked so promising before.

"The reason they failed is the same one we succeeded yesterday."

Maria thought it was entirely possible that Coulson was making sense right now. But he had to act on the assumption that she operated on a higher brain function than she currently possessed.

"The two agents, Hendriks and Meyer, were perfect for the job. They brought every requirement necessary. But they hated each other. In fact they had been rivals since the Academy. While they were individually perfect for the op, they made a less than ideal team." Coulson patiently explained. "Do you know the story of Ajax?"

She shook her head. "No."

"Ajax was blinded by pride and anger. He was flawed."

"Of course he was, he was only human." She frowned.

Coulson nodded. "Yes. No matter how perfect an agent or a team of agents might look on paper, they are human. And they make mistakes. Your mission plan is only valid until it meets the unpredictable human factor. Hendriks and Meyer couldn't see past their personal differences and it cost one of them his life. If your agents don't fit the plan, you have to change the plan. Everything else is futile."

"And what about our mission?" Maria wanted to know.

Coulson smiled almost fondly. "The mission changed when May found Baillet's body. Another agent might have made a different call, but May was one of the few agents able to get the job done despite of the circumstances." His eyes drifted off. "You think you have control over your missions and that's a mistake you should never make. A plan is all well and good until it meets the human factor."

Or until it met Melinda May.


	5. Chapter 5

She had decided she hated Hong Kong. Too hot. Too humid. Too many street thugs with low trousers and fake watches giving her the creeps.

And right now, as she sat with her feet resting on the window sill looking at the house across the street, too boring. For the last week that they had watched their mark, nothing whatsoever remarkable had happened.

"He's got another visitor." Maria lifted the binoculars resting on her thighs to her eyes and focused on the black town car down on the street. Coulson was reading something in the armchair while May was dishing out the take out she had brought with her minutes ago. They both looked up at her words.

"Hua?" Coulson asked, slightly perking up.

She let the binoculars drop with a deep sigh. "Negative. Just another one of his girls."

"Here." May walked up to her and handed her a bowl and chopsticks. She had insisted they both learn to eat with them and to Maria's chagrin, Coulson was doing better than her.

She nodded her thanks and halfheartedly picked up a piece of chicken. Coulson suspected that it was dog."What are we even doing here? This is a standard surveillance op."

"Hodge is punishing us." May said resolutely as she sat down next to Coulson on the threadbare sofa. Maria couldn't even tell what colour it was once supposed to be. Right now she would say vomit.

Coulson gave her sideways look. "Hodge is punishing you. We're just guilty accessories." He tried to explain his superior agent's motives. "You thought taking the new plane model for a spin over the Alps was a good idea."

"And I told you if you were too scared you were happy to stay behind and run interference if necessary." May pointed out.

Maria just rolled her eyes and got back to her dog. Chicken. Whatever. She had heard this same argument for over a week now and it was getting old. She glanced at her watch and sighed. Two more hours before Coulson would take over.

May excused herself after dinner and left. Maria and Coulson were left guessing where she went in her free time, she never told them. Coulson did the dishes before he took pity on her and kept her company by the window, going back to his reading.

Maria was bored.

Probably beyond bored.

The ceiling fan creaked above them but did little to put a dent in the rooms stale climate. And the tab in the kitchen was dripping. They had all separately tried to fix that but so far without luck. By now it was reminding her of Chinese water torture.

She turned to look at Coulson. He had lost his suit jacket after three days but was still wearing his tie. Why was beyond her. They had two bedrooms and one bathroom to share and it's not as if they didn't see each other in their respective sleepwear every day.

"Please stop staring at me." He said without looking up.

"What are you reading?" Maria asked instead.

He wordlessly lifted his hands for her to read the front. A comic book. Captain America if she correctly made out the letters.

"Huh." She just said. "So I guess it's true."

Coulson frowned, only now meeting her gaze. "What's true?"

Maria shrugged. "What they say about you."

A small smile played over his lips. "And what do they say, Agent Hill?"

"Well, you know…" She squirmed and hoped this was not a trick question. "That you like Captain America."

"I even collect the trading cards." He acknowledged proudly. "Almost have a full set."

Maria had to smile at his boyish glee and shook her head.

"Anything else they say about me?" He asked amused.

"That you're dating a professor from SciTech." She said with a smirk, hoping to get more out of him on that matter.

"Who told you that?" His face didn't give anything away.

Maria shook her head. "Sorry, I can't reveal my sources."

Coulson snorted. "Your sources? You mean Agent Erikson?"

She had to frown. He knew her friends?

"You are friends with him, aren't you?"

Maria nodded.

Coulson just made a non-committing sound at the back of his throat and went back to reading his comic.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Maria asked carefully.

"Nothing." Coulson said. She wasn't convinced.

"No, seriously, tell me."

"There's nothing to tell." Coulson replied.

"I know you met him a few months ago." She tried to goad him.

"I did." Again with the impassiveness.

"And what? You didn't like him?" She questioned further.

Coulson put his comic book away and met her eyes. "It doesn't matter if I like him."

She crossed her arms. "You wouldn't say that if you did. Look, I know you two didn't get along in that little advanced training seminar you held-" She broke off when Coulson just shook his head. "What?"

"You're right. I don't like him. Let's leave it at that." He said with finality.

"No." Maybe it was her frustration with this op or just the damn heat or the funny tasting dog they had just eaten. "Just spit it out."

"Agent Erikson is lazy." Coulson explained distantly. "He lets others do the work and wants to take credit for that. He wants to be remarkable without putting in the work and doing something remarkable."

Maria just shook her head. "You don't know him."

"He tried to pass off your work as his own." Coulson interrupted her forcefully before screwing his eyes shut and shaking his head. "I'm sorry, I shouldn't have said that."

Maria just looked at him in disbelief. "What?"

"Forget I said anything." Coulson said gently, rubbing over his eyes.

"That's not going to happen." Maria sat up straight. "Tell me."

Coulson heaved a deep breath. "He took the project you were working on before you were reassigned to May and tried to sell it as his own. Your former S.O. told me."

Her eyes were burning and her throat threatened to close off. She didn't know whether to be sad or angry. "That little prick." Angry. Definitely angry.

"I'm sorry." Coulson said. "I know he is your friend."

"How long have you known?" Maria asked instead. "I mean I've been with you and May for a few months now. When were you going to tell me?"

Coulson shrugged. "We hadn't decided yet."

Maria's eyes went wide with disbelief. "We? So May knows, too. Great." She shook her head and avoided looking at Coulson.

There was nothing else for him to say and when Maria just kept looking out the window with a frown and a clenched jaw he picked up his comic again and kept reading. He was surprised when she did speak a few minutes later.

"So, about that SciTech professor. Is it true? Are you dating her?"

He looked up to find her looking at him with a neutral expression on her face. Not a completely withdrawn but it was a start. She had definitely learned a lot from May.

"Dated her. Past tense." He said, accepting the distraction.

Maria hesitated. Sure, they had gotten to know each other better over the last four months, but they weren't that familiar with each other yet. On the other hand, they had been stuck in this tiny apartment for a week by now, how much more familiar could it get?

"The phone calls and misery in Paris?"

Coulson just nodded.

"Did you break her heart?" When he didn't immediately reply, she kept going. "Oh, did she break yours? Do you want to take revenge? We could make it look like an accident."

He just raised his eyebrows at her in question.

"Okay, so May could make it look like an accident." Maria relented.

"Not necessary. But thank you... I guess." He said with a slight frown and met her smile with one of his own.

::

Coulson took over not long after and instead of keeping him company she went to bed immediately. Not that she was able to close her eyes. Her thoughts kept drifting back to Eric and how the idiot had tried to take credit for her work.

She was still awake when May returned to the apartment two hours later and the creaking front door announced her arrival. Even if the bedroom door hadn't been ajar, the paper thin walls allowed her to hear every word spoken in the other room.

"Hey." Coulson's soft voice greeted her without a sign of tiredness.

When May didn't immediately reply Maria heard Coulson's chair creaking as he turned around to look at her. She was up by the time he gasped and standing in the doorway just as he had reached May.

"What the hell happened?"

May swatted his hand away. "Nothing."

Maria bristled. Nothing looked a lot like it had kicked her ass. Her tank top was dirty and even bloody in some places while her arms bore cuts and bruises. A large bruise was forming on her left cheek and jaw.

May stiffly walked over towards the couch and sat down gingerly. She leaned back into the cushions and closed her eyes.

Coulson went into the bathroom and Maria took over for him by the window. He returned with a first aid kit.

The coffee table creaked as Coulson sat down on it, setting the first aid kit down next to him. He nudged May's knee and she slowly opened her eyes.

"Street fighting?" He asked and pulled out antiseptic cream and bandages. May seemed to check his face for any sign of judgement. When she didn't find any she shrugged and had to wince at the motion. "It was just a little friendly sparring match."

Coulson pressed a bit harder on the knife wound he was bandaging and May had to clench her teeth. "Just a little friendly sparring? And when did the knives come out?"

"Well, they couldn't handle me winning." May smirked as she caught Maria's look.

Maria just shook her head. This woman was unbelievable. Incredible, but unbelievable.

She kept watching from the corner of her eyes as Coulson gently tended to her wounds without saying another word. When he gestured for May to take off her top she smirked at him but complied none the less when he just rolled his eyes.

His brows creased as he inspected her ribs. Even in the dim light the bruises were clearly visible. Coulson's hands moved over her rib cage tenderly. May pulled in a sharp breath at one point and Coulson sent her an apologetic smile but kept his hand where it was. Their eyes met and he waited until she gave a slight nod before he continued his examination. "Nothing's broken."

"Didn't feel broken." May said but Coulson ignored her.

If he was fazed that she sat in front of him in only her sports bra, he didn't let it show. His eyes were fixed on her torso as he cleaned a cut just under the hem of her bra with clinical precision. May watched him as his fingers ghosted over her skin. Maria suddenly felt like she was intruding on a tender moment.

Which was ridiculous she berated herself.

She got up and searched for something May could use to cool the bruise on her jaw with. All she could find was a cold water bottle in the fridge so that had to make do. May smiled in thanks as Maria handed it to her.

"Everything's quiet with Zhen. I'm going back to bed."

May nodded and Coulson bid her a good night. He had another hour left before it was May's turn to take over the observation.

As she settled back into the too soft mattress she listened to Coulson returning the first aid kit to the bathroom as May quietly made her way into the room they shared. She turned and watched as the older woman searched for a change of clothes.

"When were you going to tell me about Erikson?" She asked quietly.

May sighed and met her eyes in the half darkness. "Coulson told you?"

Maria sat up and leaned against the headboard. "More by accident."

When May didn't say anything else about it, Maria kept going. "Why did you want to tell me and he didn't?"

May's eyes swept towards the door before she took a step closer to the bed. "Coulson is an idealist. Our organisation was founded on noble principles and Coulson thinks everyone in SHIELD honours these principles." It sounded almost resigned the way she said it.

"That's a nice thought." It really was, if she thought about it.

"It's foolish." May argued. "And thinking like that gets you killed." She grabbed her towel and went over towards the door.

"What do you think?" Maria called after her.

May turned around in the doorway. "Don't trust anyone."

"Not even you?"

The older agent smirked. "Don't trust anyone else."

::

When Maria's alarm woke her at the crack of dawn for her next four-hour shift and she stumbled into the common room in the search of coffee, she was surprised to find Coulson still awake and watching the house across the street. May was fast asleep on the sofa, her bruises more colourful in the morning light and a light blanket drawn over her sleeping form.

Looking back on it years later, she really shouldn't have been surprised.


	6. Chapter 6

„Get down."

Maria gritted her teeth as May yanked her arm and pressed her down into the mud of an unnamed South American forest. Bullets hit the trees above their heads as May covered Maria's body with her own and pressed her even further down. God, that hurt.

She took in a sharp breath as May's weight lifted from her shoulders.

"Let's move."

She pressed a hand to her side and let herself be hauled up. Ever since the adrenaline had worn off May had to carry more and more of her weight. Gunshot wounds hurt like hell. She stumbled and as her leg gave out beneath her she felt a bullet barely graze her jacket over her right shoulder. Talk about luck. May didn't give her a chance to rest and just pulled her along with an iron grip on her left arm. Maria had lost all orientation and just followed as best as she could through the thick underbrush. Tree branches had left scrapes on May's cheeks and she was sure her own face didn't look any better.

When May suddenly dragged her to the left she couldn't help but cry out from the pain as her stomach muscles tensed. Cold sweat broke out on her back even though the hot and humid air threatened to suffocate them. Her team mate forced her down a narrow slope and pulled her back into a recess in the bedrock and Maria sunk down to the ground gracelessly.

"Let me see it again." May instructed tensely, crouching down in front of her.

Maria just let her hand fall away. She didn't have the strength to mover her arms and lift her shirt. May not so gently peeled Maria's blood soaked shirt from her skin and checked the wound. She didn't say anything but took in a sharp breath through her nose. Her eyes flicked up to Maria's face, not quite meeting her eyes, before she pulled the shirt down again.

"What's it look like?" Maria asked between shallow breaths.

May raised one single eyebrow. "Let's try the radio again."

Maria just shook her head. "We tried that already, it's broken and there's only static."

"We try again." May said resolutely. She swiped her hands against her trouser legs to get rid of the blood before she pulled the radio from her backpack. "Unless you want to walk the next ten miles until we find our extraction point."

The younger agent just leant her head back against the ivy and moss covered stone behind her. May took her hand and laid it back against her wound, signaling her to press down. The blood flowed more slowly now, which Maria thought had to be a good sign.

Right?

They were met with noise as soon as May turned on the radio.

"Coulson, this is May, do you copy?" Her voice betrayed nothing.

Static again. May tweaked a few dials and the static's pitch changed slightly. "Coulson, do you copy?"

_"__May?"_

Maria's eyes shot open and she met May's gaze as she heard Coulson's faint voice trough the noise.

"Coulson, we were surprised by Juarez and his people." May said slowly and held Maria's gaze. Her eyes flicked down towards her stomach. "I need you to run interference before they start bombing this whole area."

Maria closed her eyes. The villagers. They had to be their priority right now. Juarez was planning a bomb strike and if his men couldn't get any further, that would be next.

_"…__.strike… We're try-….where…" _ Coulson's voice was caught up in static.

"Dammit." May shook her head before pressing 'talk' on the radio again. "Coulson, we can't read you. Hill's been shot. We're 3.5 miles southwest of the village. We'll make our own way out. Do you copy?"

"_…__. interfer-….. making our-….. -son out."_

May put the radio back into her backpack. "It was worth a shot, maybe he got the message." She peered around the corner of their little hide out and when she seemed to be satisfied, she turned to Maria. "Alright. Let's go."

"May." Maria began to shiver and shook her head.

"Shut up." May said and just pulled her up by her arms. "We're leaving."

Once they stood May just took a second to reorientate herself before she steered her further down the slope.

"The river has to be that way, from there we'll make our way further towards the border."

Maria's legs barely carried her as she followed May through the wilderness. She barely noticed the mosquitoes which had bothered her only hours earlier and although the branches kept brushing her cheeks she didn't care. May never let go of her arm, pulling her along for what felt like hours but couldn't have been more than thirty minutes. They had to slow down a few times and stop at a small stream so Maria could drink something. She was sure if Coulson had been there he would have berated her about the health hazards from doing so.

She splashed a handful of water into her face before painfully standing up again.

"May."

"The river isn't far from here." May said, her eyes restlessly checking their surroundings.

"May." Maria gripped her shoulder until the older agent finally met her eyes. "Juarez' men will be at the river. They would be stupid not to guard the area." It's probably why their chasers had given up. They were either going to be stopped by their comrades at the river or they would get lost in the endless woods.

"We'll think of something once we get there." May replied calmly, not expecting an argument.

::

Later Maria didn't know how, but they reached the river bank. She was sure it was out of sheer stubbornness on May's part. They sought cover behind a formation of rocks and May inspected the armed guards on both sides while Maria carefully lifted her hand off her stomach. It was covered with blood in all shades of red, from dried brown to bright red. The shivering had stopped but she felt exhausted and weak. Her head was pounding. She risked a glance at May who looked as if she might carefully craft a plan to get them to the other side.

The river was neither wide nor deep. They could probably walk through the shallow water if it wasn't for the hundred feet of open space before they'd be able to seek cover on the other side.

"Stay here and stay down." May ordered.

Her eyes slid shut as she nodded. If it was up to her she would never move from this comfortable rock again.

"Hey." May lightly patted her cheek until she forced her eyes open again. "And stay awake."

Maria grunted in response and waited just long enough for May to leave the way they came – back into the thick forest – before she let her eyes slip closed. She was so damn tired. Her hand pressing against her gunshot wound didn't seem to make a difference.

For eight months now things had been going well. But as Maria listened hard and tried to hear anything besides the damn birds and the flowing water of the river she supposed it had to go wrong at one point. Rebels were supposedly trying to stage a coup to take over some Godforsaken strip of land right in the back of beyond. Which nobody would ever care about if it wasn't for a shitload of natural resources. And a KBG defector who had been hidden in a small village in the middle of nowhere by S.H.I.E.L.D. ages ago. So now their mission to extract said Russian had gone to hell because of some trigger happy wannabe Pancho Villa and his friends.

She couldn't believe she had gotten shot.

"Maria."

Her eyes flew open as May suddenly appeared out of nowhere next to her with a P-90 she didn't carry before. Was that a relieved sigh she heard?

"Time to go." May said urgently instead of anything else.

Maria licked her dry lips and took a deep breath. May grabbed her under her shoulder and bore most of her weight as she pulled her up. By the time she was upright Maria was panting, trying to breath through the pain.

"Can you do this?" May asked with a critical look.

She bit back words of defeat. "Do I have a choice?"

May's voice was hard and unyielding. "No."

Maria was stuck looking out over the river. At their current location the trees almost reached the water but there was a clearing on the other side. There would be nowhere to hide.

"I took care of the men on our side. We'll have to be quick and to reach cover on the other side, but this is the best place to cross over." _With a gunshot wound._

Maria hated this. She tried to pretend not to see May's evaluating gaze upon her and stood up straighter, resting less of her weight on her partner. May just grabbed the P-90 and retrieved a small gun she had tucked into her waistband and held it out for Maria to take.

With a last nod at her May led the way towards the water and left the cover of the trees and bushes around them behind. Maria followed swiftly. Her gun raised with the hand not pressing down on her wound. Every muscle in her stomach screamed out in pain but she kept walking, ignoring the loud rushing sound in her ears.

They came under fire just as they had reached the middle of the river where the water only came up to their knees. Bullets hit the water in front of them and May immediately ducked and pulled her down with a sharp grip on Maria's shirt. They returned fire as well as they could but they were stuck in the middle of the stream. They couldn't go further. They couldn't go back.

They roaring in her ears became louder by the second and it took a shadow looming above them for Maria to realise that it hadn't been the blood on her ears. It was a helicopter. Hovering fifteen feet above their heads and returning fire at Juarez' men with heavy artillery. Once the shooting ceased the helicopter flew further over the river and landed on the clearing. Men in tactical gear leapt out of it before it had even touched the ground. Most of them immediately spread out into the woods while three of them made their way over to them, their guns at the ready.

It took Maria a second longer than May to spot Coulson trailing along behind them. He had traded his suit jacket for a bullet proof vest, apparently the only concession he had been willing to make regarding this situation.

May helped her up. They should have known and yet, Maria hadn't expected it.

The tac team reached them just as they hit the river bank and two of them immediately tended to her. As one of them slung her arm around his shoulder Maria glanced over at May and Coulson. He stopped a few feet in front of them and shot Maria a worried glance before he faced May. She watched as their eyes met and something akin to appreciation showed on May's face.

"What part of my message did you get?" May asked as if it was perfectly normal for Coulson to commandeer a helicopter and rescue them. "We've been having trouble with the radio."

"Yeah, I noticed. We couldn't reach you. I got the part where you said you needed me."

Anyone who had spent less time with May would have missed it. The way her face changed imperceptibly. But Maria didn't. "And you came here just on that?"

Coulson shrugged with a small innocent smile. "What else was there supposed to be?"

::

She woke to soft voices and a dry feeling her throat. And she felt warm. Not as stifling hot as she had felt in that jungle but warm pleasantly warm. Like a cocoon. Her stomach felt conveniently numb.

"How did you know where to find us?" That was May, sitting somewhere to her left.

"You said something about southeast." Coulson. Calm and in a low voice. "So I searched southeast of your last known location and the infrared camera did the rest."

"What happened to our package?"

A sigh from him. "Didn't make it. He was shot point blank."

"By Juarez' men?" May's confusion was clearly audible.

"Didn't look like it." Coulson said tightly. "He was shot with a JHP round, the same caliber as the asset we lost in Mexico City last month."

"What are you thinking?" May asked gently.

Coulson sighed again. "I'm thinking Black Widow."

May just hummed in agreement. "Possible. We'll have to look out for her."

Maria chose that moment to join in on their conversation. "Not without me I hope." The words grated against her throat.

Coulson looked at her surprised while May just sent her a wide smile. She had probably known all along that she had been awake for a few minutes now.

"Hey." Coulson greeted her and immediately handed her a glass of water. She drank in small sips that hurt, but the cool liquid felt heavenly in her dry mouth. It took a lot of effort but she managed to turn and put the glass down on the bedside table.

Maria carefully pulled down the covers and lifted her hospital gown to peer at her stomach. Coulson excused himself, staring pointedly at his shoes and left to fetch a nurse as he said. Maria shook her head and looked down at her exposed midriff. There was nothing to see but white gauze. "He knows that there is a call button, right?"

May just rolled her eyes and smiled fondly. "Probably."

"So, what's the verdict?"

By the look on May's face she knew that she wouldn't like it. "A few weeks of rest and physical therapy and you'll be good as new."

"How long?"

May shrugged. "You know how vague doctors can be."

Maria narrowed her eyes at her. "May. How long?"

"At least four weeks of rest. And then PT for a few more."

She closed her eyes and forced herself to take deep breaths. "Great." She muttered. "What am I supposed to do with four weeks of rest?"

Her eyes flew open as something heavy landed in her lap. "Same thing I did in your situation." May said with a smirk.

Maria looked down at the book.

_Flight Instruction Handbook, Vol. I._


End file.
